Thursday, June 23, 2005

12 things...

Thought this would be a good way to take my mind off mom leaving and pass the next hour or so at work...
12 Things About Me
12 Things... (courtesy of Knotty Girl)

12 movies
1. The Replacements
2. Under the Tuscan Sun
3. Xmen
5. Sommersby
6. American Wedding
7. What dreams may come
8. Girls just wanna have fun
9. Save the last dance
10. The green mile
11. Shakespear in love
12. Spiderman

11 Bands/Singers
1. Tori Amos
2. Concrete Blonde
3. Sarah McLachlan
4. Prince
5. Enigma
6. Diana Krall
7. Tool
8. Jet
9. Ben Harper
10. NIN
11. Joss Stone

10 things about me
1. outgoing
2. funny
3. empathic
4. sappy
5. moody
6. easily distracted
7. a bit obsessive
8. true
9. compassionate
10. artistic

9 Good friends
1. Scott (he'd have to be up on the list as he's my husband!)
2. Holly
3. Glenda
4. Jane
5. Cory
6. Richard
7. Angie
8. Jason
9. Gabe

8 favorite foods
1. coffee - ok, not food, but necessity!
2. creamy chicken enchiladas
3. spinach dip
4. Lox
5. Ranch doritos
6. fresh garden tomatoes
7. caramel
8. zucchini

7 things I wear daily
1. drawers
2. bra
3. shirt
4. shoes
5. contacts
6. wedding set
7. deodorant
8. spf lotion

6 things I hate
1. southern food (biscuits, gravy, pintos, cornbread, etc.)
2. condescending assholes
3. cat shit
4. mosquitos
5. weeds
6. pointy-toed shoes

5 things I do daily
1. kiss my husband
2. pet my dogs
3. pee
4. take care of my bird
5. shower

4 shows I watch
1. Desperate Housewives
2. Law and order (one of the many)
3. That 70's show
4. Rescue me

3 places I've lived (not that I remember any of these)
1. Dayton, Ohio
2. Houston, Texas
3. Wurzburg, Germany

2 things I want
1. a deck on the back of my house
2. a new car

1 person I wish I could see right now
1. my dad

Bye mom...

Took my mom to the airport today. She'll be gone until July 12th. I thought I would hyperventilate when I got in the car to leave. I don't know why it makes me such a wreck every time she leaves, but I was a mess! Been checking her flight status all day long to make sure she's where she's supposed to be. I remember reading a book once by Erma Bombeck that touts "when did I become the mother and my mother become the child?" It's so funny because I can totally relate to that statement now!

Last night I went over to her house and was helping her pack. We sat in the floor of what used to be my room and talked while I painted her toenails purple and we tried to decide what clothes she would pack. I complained about having to go over there to help her, but I'm so glad we got to spend some time together before she left. Today we went to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast and she tried to go pee in the kitchen. She cracks me up! I'm gonna miss the hell out of her... Can't wait until she calls me tomorrow so I know that she made it in ok!

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Happy Father's Day...

Well, another father's day has come, and another reminder of the fact that the first man I ever loved (my dad) is gone. Last week, mom came by on June 14th. It was flag day, and would've been their 25th wedding anniversary. I wonder, will it ever stop hurting? I have a picture that I drew of my dad for an art class hanging over my computer... Sometimes it seems like he's watching over me.

Some days I just feel angry at the fact that he was taken from me so soon. He would be so proud to see the person I am today. The fact that I work closely with the military would have him bursting with pride. I feel like I should go to the gravesite today, but I haven't been in 5 years, and don't really want to. It doesn't comfort me, it just reminds me that he's dead. I don't need a reminder, I think of it almost every day.

I remember shortly after Papaw (dad's dad) died, my dad looked at me and said "I'll never see him again, will I?" He seemed so lost and empty when he said it. I guess he had never had to deal with the death of someone so close to him. I didn't understand the pain back then, but now I know...

I know what it feels like to hear a song, or see something on TV, or in a store that reminds me of him. I know how it feels when I hear words coming out of my mouth that easily could've been his words. I am his legacy, all that is left of the man who helped make me who I am today. I remember 2 months of going to ICU 5 times a day to hang out with my dad. I remember that even then, hooked up to all of those machines, he had a sense of humor.

I remember the morning he died, it was a Sunday, and mom had let me sleep in - missing the 10 o'clock visit. I remember getting the call from the hospital and sitting in that little room, knowing so well what they were about to say, but crumbling when I heard the words out loud. I remember going into the ICU cubicle and kissing his cheek to say goodbye. I was 19 - he was 43, and I had no idea how I would go through the rest of my life without him.

I wish I had one more day to tell him how much I love him. One more day to let him know that all those hours we spent together really made a difference in my life. I wish I had reailzed back then that he wouldn't be around forever, and treasured those moments more than I did. God, if I could just hug him and tell him about my life now - thank him for all that he gave me. Almost 8 years, and some days the pain is as fresh as it was that Sunday morning that I lost the most important man in my life...

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

The GOOD: I did some freelance side work for my boss a few weeks ago. He said he'd pay me, but I didn't really expect anything for it. Well today he hands me an envelope and tells me this is what I owe you on that project. Well I expected that it might be 50 bucks or so... Nope... 200! WOOHOO! My boss is the MAN - I love working for him.

Found a cute new outfit today, black pants with big hibiscus flowers, a blue sleeveless vneck shirt, and a pair of white sandals (SO comfy!).

The BAD: Have been fighting with my camera/computer connection for the past day or so. For some reason my computer is not recognizing the usb port that the camera is hooked to. I've tried uninstalling and reinstalling the software, downloading a driver (but there IS no XP driver for my camera, it's supposed to just automatically be in there). Don't know what I'm going to do because there are some pics on the camera that I NEED to take off!
It's 95 degrees in the shade here today. Humidity must be at 110%.
The UGLY: Well, MJ was found not guilty on all counts. Amazing what money can do for you. It's unfortunate that the prosecutions main witness (victims mother) turned out to be such a flake. I imagine there will be TONS of people in coming years who won't get the closure that they so desperately need in order to move on with their lives. The whole thing just makes me sick.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

All over the map today

Yeah, so I'm 957 dollars poorer today than I was Monday... We had to have the brakes done on both cars, and Scott (who has been driving without brakes for the past month) completely BURNT out the ass end of the Mazda. Guess now that we paid almost 600 bucks to have it fixed, he'll be driving it from now until the end of time!

Found a new obsession (chain maille thing didn't last long did it?)! I went to a local craft show and a woman was making faux stone pieces out of ceiling tiles and vintage prints. Her prices were VERY reasonable, but it was obvious that she didn't put too much time/effort into her work. I went to Lowe's on Monday to buy ceiling tiles and did a piece with a vintage pin-up coke girl for the kitchen. It turned out great, but I need to get some thin wooden strips to affix to the back so I can add eye hooks and a picture wire. I think those will be my Christmas gifts this year - portraits in stone...

So, Deep Throat has been revealed. I think I may have been the last person on the planet to know. And now that I'm hearing the story, I'm thinking Big Fucking Deal... Yes, he gave info that was critical to Nixon's downfall, and the exposure of corruption in the government. I guess I just wonder what is the point in "coming out" now? Is he a hero? Is he a traitor? Who the hell cares, he's a 91 year old decrepit man who wanted to get a buttload of money out of Vanity Fair before he died (still not clear on whether they agreed to pay him or not... Everything that I've seen says no). In the grand scheme of things, it's almost disappointing - finding out - I've always liked a good mystery...

We're still hearing in the local news about the adoption story that came out last week - I believe I briefly mentioned it in a previous blog. Here's the deal - girl gives child up to a nice couple for adoption, biodad finds out and wants to take the child. News media acts like this guy is satan incarnate for wanting his child and keeps bitching about the fact that he's behind on some child support payments. While the situation must be DEVASTATING to the adoptive couple, I'm not hearing a word about what an irresponsible bitch the biomom was to place this child without going through the proper legal channels! I AM a bio mom, I HATE that these are the type of news stories (exposure) that adoption gets. People wonder why there's always such a damned stigma attached to it. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is why! Because the media and television need something juicy, they aren't interested in profiling adoptions that are successful and wonderful experiences for everyone involved. We always see movies of the week where the birthmother changes her mind, or is trying to sell her child, or some poor suspecting adoptive family gets taken by a baby broker. As long as this shit is perpetuated like it is, adoption will NEVER be seen in the positive light that it should be - and that just pisses me off.

And that my friends, is what's rolling around in my brain today...