Fever blister hell...

Why is it that any other normal person can have a small irritating fever blister for a couple of days then go on with their lives, and I have to be burdened with a swollen crusty mass akin to Mount Vesuvius for over a WEEK!?!? I've perused the internet looking for the cure all, and have found some pretty bizarre stuff - NONE of which have worked despite the fact that Sally's first cousin Mary said it works for her every time. Seriously, where do people come up with this shit?

EARWAX, it has actually been suggested that one take some ear wax and rub it on the cold sore... Um, no fucking thank you - it's bad enough to have this big crusty boil on my lip without rubbing some earwax on it to make it shine! Nailpolish remover - yeah, that's an idea so that when I light up a smoke, my lip goes up in flames. My favorite idea was taking lemons and salting the shit out of them, then scrubbing the cold sore with it... Mmmmm, takes a special little masochist to come up with this shit. Among others are rubbing alcohol, ny quil (rubbing it on the area, not drinking it continually and sleeping until the fever blister is gone - though that would be my method of choice), honey, alka seltzer, dog saliva, and the list goes on...

I spent 15 bucks on a tiny microscopic tube of abreva that has yet to do any good. So I guess I'm burdened to wait it out... I suppose I'll keep sucking my morning pot of coffee through a straw, and explaining to my coworkers that no, my husband did not punch me in the mouth, it's a fever blister... no, seriously... IT IS!